What you always wanted to know about me
but never asked! I'm a 27 year old femme who loves music, poetry,
vampire lore & culture, Eygptology, movies, coffee houses, going to the mountains, anything water-related like going to the lake or tubing, good conversations, good times with friends.
I tend to be quite sappy at times, and can be weird and nerdy, but
that's just part of my charm :). I like an eclectic variety of things,
and cannot possibly delve into all facets of my being, but I will share
a little here...
Update on me: I'm single and loving it. Dating and just chilling with friends. I'm enjoying some freedom for the first time in my life! I can come and go as I please and do whatever I please and it's simply grand. I think I missed out on some stuff by not being single for most of my adult life.
I'm also working on my weight. My Dad & Step-Mom very generously signed me up on La Weightloss and so far (as of 9/21/2004) I've lost 55 pounds and counting! I'm concentrating on myself and making my body better. I'm very happy, even though I'm at a plateau weight wise, I'm still working towards my goals.
New in my life, I've been researching through the community and have come across an awesome website called butch-femme.com. There is a HUGE community of people with the LGBT community that id as butch/femme, etc. I have come into a new understanding of myself through reading and conversing with some wonderful people. I used to think I was a "bad lesbian" because I don't like some of the things that switch lesbians do. I need the butch/femme dynamic in my life. I need the masculine energy from my partner. I just CANNOT be with a soft butch or with another femme. I just can't. I've learned that others feel the same way I do, and I'm not a "bad" anything.
So... I guess I should define what I am. I don't enjoy Labeling, nor will I wear this on my sleeve, but for clarifying purposes, I am a Queer Stonefemme. Explore your mind- look up what that means.
Musical background:
I am an avid musician. It all started back when I was 7yrs old. My parents started me
in piano lessons, and even though I didn't like to practice, I spent 6 years with the
same teacher. During that time, I was in elementary school and had an awesome music
teacher. He taught me the recorder, french horn, oboe, and I was
in the advanced choir, which he directed. In Junior High, I was in the Advanced choir
(which was a status symbol then) and also became interested in the band. I started
color guard at that point. I then moved into High School with the color guard, and was
captain of the squad my sophomore and junior years. Meanwhile, I started learning
clarinet, trumpet, and trombone, then became interested in flute. With the help of my
director, I learned flute in 2 weeks. I love the flute to this day. Next I moved into
college at the University of TN at Knoxville and was in the Pride of the Southland Marching Band.
I had to learn piccolo to march, so I had to do that ASAP!
After UT, I have only played for enjoyment purposes, and have fallen out of practice
as of late, but hope to get back into practicing soon. I still love music with all that is me.
Here we are (The Pride of the Southland Band) in '95 doing the "Power T" during pre-game. I love the VOLS and am a HUGE fan!
Coming Out/Family Issues:
{Written 2001} Well... Coming out is a different process for us all. My experience was one of peculiarity.
I didn't actually get the chance to "come out" on my own. A family member figured it out
and outted me to my whole family, against my wishes. For the first two weeks, I was told
to stay away, I was unwanted. After two weeks, my grandmother called me and asked me
to come and talk to her about it. We sat down and discussed AIDS and I educated her on
how it is contracted, carried, that I have tested negative, etc. She made it clear she didn't agree with homosexuality, but
that I was her granddaughter, she loved me, and that was that. I was 19, and a bit naive
(some people say I still am), but for me, that was all I desired- to be loved for who I am,
not whether or not I was gay/straight/bi or what-have-you. As time progressed,
I learned that people don't always say what they think, especially my family.
We had an understanding, all of us- but it changed over time. The family member
who figured out I was gay and outted me decided that I was no longer worthy
to be in the family. She then proceeded to exclude me from her life. I, although still
loving her because she is a member of my family, don't like her. She's hypocritical beyond any
other human I have ever met. Her best friend is a lesbian (this is a friend since she was in
high school many years ago), and that's fine, but quote, "Jenny is blood and that's different."
Meanwhile, my Dad and I were getting along fine with it, he invited my now-ex girlfriend to his
house for BBQs, and to mass with my step-family (they are catholic, I am not) and all was fine
they liked her. Then my birthday came around last year, and they decided that they couldn't handle us
being more than friends, and basically forced me to choose between spending my birthday with them
or with my girlfriend. I told them I was spending it with her because she would never ask me to make
a choice like that (and she wouldn't have). Since that point, we have had a "Don't Ask/Don't Tell" policy, and
actually, I agree wholeheartedly with it.
Through everything, my mother has been the only one who has supported me. She doesn't
necessarily agree with my being gay, but she knows me. She knows I'm not promiscuous,
I live my life morally, and although I'm not religious (I'm Agnostic), I am spiritual.
She knows that I'm happier now that I'm out and proud, and she cheers me on.
If ever I am to have a commitment ceremony, she will be in the front row cheering me on.
So, I guess your "Coming Out Story" never really ends. People (especially families)
evolve with time, some for the better, some for the worse. It's a constant battle, but
I believe that what is important is that you are true to yourself and are happy,
while using good moral judgment and good karmatic techniques, your life will still
be fulfilling, regardless of what your family or others might say or do...
9/21/04- Our coming out processes grow and change with time, just as everything grows and changes with time. My family does not approve of my being queer. It used to affect me deeply. Even my mother, who used to be supportive, has decided that she doesn't agree with it, but loves me anyway- so she's the best one, I can still talk to her about stuff. My Dad- regardless of what gender I might be with- is a I-don't-wanna-know type person, so that's not as straining. My Step-Mom is a HUGE catholic who is TOTALLY against it all, so we have a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. My Mom's family doesn't even want to imagine it, so we don't talk about it.
All this used to bother me, but I've come to be happy with who I am and try to not let them influence me in anything I do. I love them, but this is my life and I will do and say what I please.
So now that I've come into a deeper understanding of WHO I am and WHAT I like, I don't worry what they think or say. They are a seperate part of my life that I get involved with when I choose- on my terms.
I'm a strong, independent woman and I will love whom I want to love, regardless of what anyone else thinks.
Keep your head up and be proud!